31 March

A powerful change was taking place, but I was not always conscious of this change, especially at the start. Often the revelation came much later as a deep peace began to be the place I lived in. Morning would break and another dark night was over, never to return. I am reminded of a time when there will be no more night, no moon, no stars. The light of Your glory will shine forever. There was a time when these nights seemed to go on forever, until at last the day burned brighter and brighter and my soul bathed in Your Light.

I had been washed inside and out, washed with Your words. Oh it may not have been apparent on the surface, but deep within a divine exchange was taking place, my soul had been washed until all sense of defilement and the feeeling of being unclean melted away.

Feeling naked and exposed before others had left a constant need to cover up.

Dishonoured by man and unprotected from the attack of the enemy I had been a target from all who felt they had the right, I had no armour until......... I called Your Name and You came to me.

My stained and wrinkled clothing disappeared as You dressed me with a garment of praise placing a garland of grace around my neck as My soul became transparent before You. Your heavenly Father chose me as glorious, royal daughter and I was to receive special training in the courts of the King. You desired I would sit beside You, along with many other virgins as Your Queen.

My wedding robe of many colours was embroidered with pearls, woven gold, fine linen and silk although not visible to human eyes was for Your eyes only; so glorious was its beauty, a gossamer film of colour, transparent light overlaid with sapphires, jasper stones, emeralds, amethyst, beryl and topaz. Clusters of miniature pearls, my tears You had saved, wrought through made heavy with Your love. You transformed my tears into a beautiful covering for my soul.

14th April

Only You had the right to lift that veil and then I would ss You face to face. Because of Your work on my heart, my character had become the sweet aroma in Your nostrils of myrrh, aloes and cassia, the fragrance of Your life within. These could only come as I laid down my own life and allowed Your life to be mine as You had done for me.

The ability to hear Your Special Voice became so fine tuned I could hear in the midst of the clatter and clamour of the many voices of the earthly life around me. I was sure if I dared to speak this out to some they would say I had a mental disorder. It did not matter as there was nothing or no-one on earth, under the earth or in heaven could remove Truth once it takes root in the soul. There were others who knew Truth never came as disorder. Disorder only brings despair and hopelessness, never is it the Voice of Love.

I knew Your presence even before I heard Your Voice. I found deep within, a hearing that picked up the soft sound of Your coming, the whisper of Your garment, although You were never far away. I learnt that You were always ready for the sweet call of Your name, I loved to say it often and it never mattered there were many voices calling You, I never questioned whether You could hear me, You always came when I called, it was music to Your ears. I could almost taste honey when I spoke Your name and could smell the sweet aroma of heaven and only those who had visited there could know of its sweetness.

I had many questions that needed to be answered and You were aware of them, as You often gave me the answers before I asked. They were hidden inside of me, in my heart and we both knew hearts could speak to each other. You told me this and as I pondered this mystery I came to realize the world I lived in was not the real one. It was the world of the mind, an accumulation of information, ideas and memories, thoughts and mindsets passed down from one generation to another. Each persons world was different therefore could only be conceived as reality. There is another world; this one of the heart where words are often not needed.

I discovered hearts connected by Divine Love know Truth and what is Truth to one will be the same Truth to another. Truth is hidden deep in all hearts, just as a seed lying in the cool winter earth waiting for the warmth of the Sun to bring it forth from its place of captivity, never to die, waiting for its resurrection time.

19th April

I began to hear a song, it had been stored within my heart, waiting for its time of resurrection. The melody moved throughout my body in waves of glowing fire, warmth spreading through my whole being. Out from my heart came a Voice, the most beautiful Voice I had ever heard, resonating from within me. Of course I had heard it before, it wasn't my voice, it was Your special Voice. Wonder flooded me, Your Voice of Truth singing in my soul. Wooing me with Your Voice of Love, Your Voice of Life, You whose Name on my lips tastes like honey. It had lodged in my heart and was gently permeating every place I had found to hide. The soft warmth burnt, a bitter sweet release of pockets of pain, much like the sealing of a great wound that for so long had refused to heal, a closing soothing ointment of love. The fire of love was burning the scares of mistrust, fear, shame and rejection. My heart became soft, pliable, melted and moulded into an electromagnetically charged organ filled and overflowing with the Water of LIfe. You were my Fire of Love and my Living Water. How could this be so? So many mysteries yet to be revealed.

This song never ended as it resounded through out my whole being, at times hardly perceptible, especially when the unholy one assailed me as he often did in this deeper cutting away of all the attachments in my soul. It would not be quiet and at times l allowed it to come forth, welling up from my depths like the bursting forth from a deep well that had been blocked for so long.

5th November

Oh my Beloved, forgive me for distancing myself from You. I was aware of Your presence as You watched me from behind the lattice, waiting patiently for my return. Many things have hindered my connection as the enemy has made war with my soul. The woman at the well comes to mind, You remember when You presented her with the state of her soul, where she had taken many lovers in an attempt to fill the emptiness and barrenness of her life. Her meeting with You was a divine appointment and You guided her in Your gentle and loving way to drink from the well of Your salvation. So too must I, for there is no thing and no person who can satisfy the way You do. My last letter to You was of the well and beneath hidden from sight, a river flowing from eternity, no beginning and no end. It always was. A fountain of pure water, endlessly satisfying my soul's thirst where You invited me to come and drink of You, the Water of Life.

When I first began to sing to You, I tried not to listen to the jarring and discordant notes of my own imperfect voice, but each time I knew the sound called you closer and You made it very clear it delighted Your heart. Many times, especially at the darkest and hardest moments, I found Your sweet whispers enabled me to sing through my pain and heaing would come. I have heard it said, a nightingale only sings in the dark confinement of it's cage. This dark place of confinement became the Secret Place of divine appointment with You.

10th November

You had waited so patiently for my yes to You, love could not be hurried. The yielding and relinquishment that made me who I was gave way to the overtaking of Your life within me. Such sweet surrender, You claimed me for Yourself, not to beared with another and I would have it no other way. Unlike an earthly lover who would have abandoned me in my times of desolation and turmoil, You drew me closer and I knew You would never leave me. The times I could not sense Your Presence, I could smell the aroma of heaven. Of course it had nothing to do with my natural perception of things.

Your life was buried in my inward parts: there it waited for its resurrection time. This pattern of many dyings and resurrections happened so often: the ebb and flow of tides taking with it the flotsam and jetsam far from the shoreline of my soul.

If only I could discard the heavy weight of my earthly, frail tent, it was only a temporary dwelling place for my spirit which knew the other place from which it had journeyed. my soul had succumbed often not so easily to Yours and now I belonged to You.

Soon the song became quiet, lost inside my spirit, becoming part of my being. I missed the the ecstasy of it soaring within, You weremy song in my many nights of suffering, but all things must bow the knee to Your obedience.

Had I held the song as an indication of Your Presence, even that must go. I began to sense a severing, a fragmentation and w I could discern the difference between SEEING' with the eyes of my spirit and the eyes of my flesh( my earthly eyes). No it was not of the flesh or some occult witchcraft as some would think. Your life within me was my source of seeing and bought with it clarity of light and revelation. How long does this last, this not being complete, this looking beyond? Seeing the completed picture of myself, but not able to reach and take what I knew to be my inheritance.

15th November

You were teaching me the mysteries and secrets of Your Kingdom and the only way I could know these mysteries was to come to You in the Secret Place, to come under the shadow of the spirit of Your Holiness, the only safe place for my spirit to find rest.

There were those about me who misunderstood the depths You would be willing to take Your chosen ones. My words as I tried to tell of Your great love were beyond their comprehension. Words from the throne room require a different perspective and would only be received if they too spent time in the Secret Place. Of course that would be so as they were heaven sent. I had to learn that they needed You to convince them as I once did. The receiving of their spiritual inheritance was not something you were given as one would receive a sum of money or a grand estate although Your promise was of a mansion with many rooms. No, You are the riches, the inheritance and the estate.

16th December

It was who one became when You were given permission to indwell, to bury You as a seed to become the life force, the very Source of life to the waiting heart. In the world of the Spirit one receives a new mind, a new creation. The old ways of looking at all things transformed into a rich tapestry of life, a weaving of different colours and perceptions of divine Truth. Many perceive this as an earthly aquisition or riches from heaven ( this may be partly so), thinking at last they have the abundant life, the reward. The now time with all its strain and striving, testing and temptation. One can endure the pain, sorrow, torment and tribulation if one boosted the faith life and projected into it a hope for some future goal.

I had only just begun to love You and would in time love You above all else.

Many times and in many ways I would use words to convey to closed unseeing eyes and deaf ears, You are the inheritance, now not in the distant future. You are the abundant life to be lived today. Oh! when would the words of the Spirit pour forth from my being? When would the the Sweet Manna of heaven pour forth upon the water to sustain all who hunger and thirst? I knew the inheritance came in the form of a divine connection, a unity of heart far beyond an earthly marriage. Beulah, a divine married state of being, an eternal where no death could ever separate.

Beulah Land was a memory in the inner chamber of my heart, so often coming as a sweet yearning, waiting for the time when I would come home with all those who also yearned for their own homecoming. The time of wandering, looking for a place of rest seemed so far off.

I had been on this journey for so long and many times took the wrong turn and had to retrace my steps. I was so thankful that You, my eternal Light, very rarely dimmed, always in view though sometimes You seemed a long way in the distance. I longed for Your closeness, coming to understand You were as close as my breath. You were in fact , MY VERY BREATH, just as in the beginning when You spoke all things into being, fashioned and formed me from the dust of the earth, You bent down to me, placed Your mouth over my nostrils and breathed into me, Your Life. Wonder of wonders, You are the Source of my life.

23rd March 2018

I had read all about You in Your special book but now I knew you intimately.

How can one have a memory of a place if one had never been there? Just a question that answers itself. Of course I had been there, otherwise how could one think of returning home if one had not left. This garden, this warm enclosed place of safety, where no unclean thing lives and no darkness came and went. No corrupted thought or action had the power to rob, steal and destroy. Surrounded and protected in a canopy of Love. I had walked in this garden where Love never fails. Many times I walked with You hidden deep in the midst of a great city called Love.. This city is named Love, for Your name is Love and You are its King. You are its breath and Your breath holds it together.

You are Love, the Light and the Light of this great city. When You speak Your words are filled with love and Light, creating wonderful joy and affirmation to all who have ears to hear.

If only all could hear and listen, they too would experience the profound joy and comfort that can only be described as a soothing, aromatic ointment, penetrating deep within, soothing and healing all the deep, untouched wounds of lifes pain. The softest, sweetest, morning dew, like silk to the touch and tasting like honey. I imagined it would be exactly like the dew that fell each morning upon the Bread of Heaven, the sweet Manna, sent to feed Your first people who were hungry and thirsty as they wandered in the desert looking for a place to rest. They did not know it was You they were searching for. Without You, life is desert until they find You are the well and drink deeply of You. They come to know You are the Living Water in this dry and barren land we call life.

6th November 2019

This city welcomes all who have ever been abandoned, all who have been shamed, all who are homesick. This love calls all who have beenforsaken to come home. This call is a continual sigh from Your heart to all Your children who wander, looking for their home.

There were those who has this knowing about their other home and this city called Love. They too had been there, oh perhaps not literally, but they had ben given glimpses of it's wonderful splendour only You can give. Whispers of knowings had intruded upon their earthly journeys. Or was it born of their longings and yearnings for that which they could never seem to put a name.